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What’s better in a relationship, having lots in common or nothing in common?

Wow, 15,059 of you have read this.
RetiredMany relationship columns always stress that it’s better to date someone with shared interests and I must say that I’m not necessarily a subscriber to this theory.

I think shared values are far more important than shared hobbies. Just because somebody likes the same type of music, movies, books, activities or food as you does not mean that you will live happily ever after. It’s no good if you two don’t have shared ideas as to what you believe is good or bad in a relationship. I go to the gym regularly and have met some women in the gym who like working out as much as I do but there’s no way I’d consider a relationship with them solely based on the fact that we both like to sweat profusely for 5 days a week.

As you get older, all you’re left with is conversations with the person that you’re with on your rocking chairs and if all you can talk about with each other is your favourite bands and nothing else then God help you both if they don’t have an extensive music catalog.

Many couples I know who have been in long term relationships of 5 years or more don’t all have things in common, to quote a recent email I received, “I am like fire, he is like ice, I love reading, he doesn’t”. There are other differences between these two but they are happily married and have a strong relationship and what keeps the glue together in their relationship is the fact that they know that they don’t have to do everything together.

I am rather passionate about this matter because it smacks of gang mentality when two people are told that they shouldn’t be together because they don’t have much in common. Not many outsiders get to see beyond the surface of the relationship. I have seen it happen lots of times. A person goes to a friend and complains about their other half or says that they are thinking of leaving and more often than not the friend asks, “what do you have in common?”, which I think is the wrong question to ask. The right question to ask is, “what do you like about him?” or “what don’t you like about him?”. Many a relationship has ended because a friend has offered bad advice based on superficial assumptions such as, “you like music festivals, he doesn’t, therefore, you can’t be together” Even as I type it and read over the words it seems very irresponsible.

I think shared values are far more important than shared hobbies. Just because somebody likes the same type of music, movies, books, activities or food as you does not mean that you will live happily ever after.

Many dating profiles I read online or many people I speak with who are single always look for someone with shared hobbies when in actual fact they should be looking for someone with shared values. As you get older, all you’re left with is conversations with the person that you’re with on your rocking chairs and if all you can talk about with each other is your favourite bands and nothing else then God help you both if they don’t have an extensive music catalog.

To keep up with me, feel free to find me either on, www.facebook.com/thebreakuprecipe or on twitter @munirbello1983

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