I know a few women who are single mothers. A lot of them ended up single because their partners cheated on them when they were pregnant. It was something that I put down to an unfortunate coincidence until I read a psychology paper stating that statistically, 10% of men cheat on their pregnant partners.
I was keen to explore this topic as I found it hard to understand why somebody would cheat on a woman that was carrying their child. It seemed like a very bad time to do it (not that there ever is a good time as it’s something that shouldn’t happen at all). One of the ladies I spoke to tried to rekindle her relationship with her husband for the sake of the baby but found it difficult to forgive him. She was horrified by the fact that he could do that to her at a time when she needed him the most. They eventually ended up going separate ways as it was difficult for them to co-exist with the elephant in the room.
I happen to know a few of the guys rather well and they were happy to speak to me on the matter. I wanted to understand why they did it and if they had any regrets about what they did. I also wanted to know what sort of impact it had on them.
First guy that I spoke to said that his reason for cheating was because he found her mood swings hard to deal with when she was pregnant. He also said that her appearance changed and he found her pregnant body undesirable. He felt that there was a lot of pressure being placed on him to be a good father and an understanding boyfriend, in the end it all got a little too much for him and caused him to stray. He said that not a day goes by when he doesn’t regret it as it caused him to have less of a relationship with his daughter and he lost a woman that he is still trying to get back. She refuses to entertain the idea as the trust has been broken. He said that it was the only time that he had been unfaithful to his ex and it was “only” for 2 weeks.
It’s not hard to keep it in your pants and if you find it is, well then there’s no love like self love.
The second guy that I conversed with on the matter said that he ended up cheating as a result of unexpected circumstances. He was receiving a lot of female attention at work as a result of the excitement over his soon to be child. He was flattered by the newfound attention that he was receiving from women as it was something he’d never had. One of the girls in particular started to take a shining to him. In a moment of weakness he ended up in a hotel with her after they went out for a drink. He confessed to his ex wife who went understandably ballistic. However this was not the only time that he cheated whilst she was pregnant. He admitted that he had slept with another one of his colleagues in similar circumstances. He got divorced. Unlike the first guy I spoke to his only regret was cheating at the time that he did. He said that his marriage was on the rocks and the only reason they conceived was to try and save it. He feels sorry that his son will grow up knowing what his father did.
I conversed with another fellow who had also cheated on his girlfriend whilst she was pregnant. She was completely unaware of it and has no clue to this day. His reason for straying was because he felt like his life was going to be over and he wanted to see whether he still had it. He said that he regretted it but he was happy that he was made to feel like he was still attractive. Make of that what you will. He said that he was unlikely to ever tell his other half as he didn’t want to lose her, neither did he want his child to ever find out.
Last guy I discussed the matter with said that his only reason for cheating on his pregnant girlfriend was because their sex life was non-existent and it got to him. He said that he never told her and he never would. He doesn’t think that he did anything wrong. As he puts it, he was not looking for emotional involvement therefore he feels that because it was “only” a physical act that took place, he hadn’t done anything wrong. He tried to justify himself by pointing out that he was there when his child was born and has been a very good father to him, he also went on to point out that he was very good to his girlfriend.
My thoughts on the matter? Well, I wrote an article on infidelity in which I stated that there was never an excuse for it. I think it’s even worse when the person you cheat on is pregnant with your child as they are in a vulnerable state which you played a big part in. If the lady finds out it tends to do a lot of damage to them and if your child finds out I don’t think it sets a very good example. It’s not hard to keep it in your pants and if you find it is, well then there’s no love like self love.