I have had this conversation with women time and time again. When they sign up to dating websites, they get messages and winks from all sorts. In that time they have to streamline the process by sorting out the wheat from the chaff. Universally most women will not even respond to someone who sends them an email containing one word. The ladies said that they were happy to respond to those enquiries when they first signed up but at some point would stop. The reasons do vary. Some ladies don’t like receiving a “hey” because they think that the man should make a bit more of an effort. Some believe that if a guy sends a one word introduction then he is only after something casual. Some said that the men that send those messages give off the vibe that they are playing a bit of a numbers game by sending the same message to lots of women until they get a response from one.
I then asked if there was any exception to which they would consider responding. Majority said that even if the guy was really hot they probably wouldn’t respond (there was a few exceptions). Another lady said that she would respond and give the guy three sentences in which to prove that they were worthy of her time. If the guys communication did not improve then they would leave it. Most of the ladies questioned did say that the reason they stopped responding to those one word messages was, because they had met up with the guys and been burned (either they met and the guy was just after one thing or the guy got that one thing and never called back). So the general consensus is that, Women do not like receiving messages on sites that are just one word but why do guys send those messages?
Not responding to a message is rude and there is nothing wrong with sending a quick message that says, sorry I’m not interested (I’ve ended up becoming friends with people online simply by being polite enough to respond). Whilst it’s not the aim to become friends with everyone a little courtesy never hurt anybody.
This exercise was most unusual because I was speaking to men about something that I wouldn’t consider doing and so I had no idea what to expect but I did find it very educational. Most guys I spoke to said that they had done it and the reasons were varied. Some said that they only sent those messages to a girl that they weren’t sure about either because of the way that she looked or something that she wrote on her profile. They felt that something about her online dating resume wasn’t quite up to scratch and so they were just putting feelers out. Another guy said he normally sent it to women who had incomplete profiles (pictures but no text) as he didn’t know whether they were real or fake (many guys I spoke to did express this sentiment)
There was another camp who were playing the numbers game as most women suspect. They would spend a long time looking at profiles and sending off emails and as they started to run out of steam, their efforts would reduce and their emails would get shorter meaning that if your profile was the 100th that they’d looked at that day then all you would get is a, hello. The other camp playing the numbers games were men who said that for every 20 single worded emails they sent out they got 1 response and so they sent lots.
Some guys said that they did it to project some sort of air of mystery. They believed that if they sent that message and the girl looked at their profile, she would be intrigued and want to know more. Admittedly they said that they believed this to be true because it happens in a lot of films. Another guy did say that he only sent one word messages because he didn’t want to take the time to compose an email that went unreturned, which is a common occurrence online. He felt that if someone was going to respond to him then they would get in touch with him whether or not his email contained one word or thousands. Whilst I do not completely agree with him, he had a point. Not responding to a message is rude and there is nothing wrong with sending a quick message that says, sorry I’m not interested (I’ve ended up becoming friends with people online simply by being polite enough to respond). Whilst it’s not the aim to become friends with everyone a little courtesy never hurt anybody.
The final group were the ones that were not after more than a quick casual encounter. They believed that there was no need to make too much of an effort with anyone that was just for fun and games although they were keen to stress that most of the women that they had gotten involved with were very understanding or were also on the same page so no feelings were hurt (I didn’t buy it either)
For as long as there are women out there who will respond to a “hey” there will be many men who will continue to send those messages. When I received those messages from women online in the past I would ask them how they expected me to respond.